Late Night Snark: Yeah, It Was A Coup Edition
“Congress held its first public hearing on the January 6th Capitol attack. The footage was rough to get through. Five minutes in even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough. Let’s see what’s happening on RuPaul’s Drag Race.'”
“Fox News decided not to carry the hearings about January 6th on their news network. Instead they’ll show their new special, Tucker Carlson Presents: A Racist Cow Meows Racist Confederate Battle Hymns.”
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“Before you decide if the former president is responsible for the Capitol riots, remember that in America you’re innocent until proven guilty, then proven guilty again, then proven guilty again and they hold a hearing in primetime to show everyone how you’re really, really guilty.”
Clip of cultist Rep. Steve Scalise at press conference on gun violence: We had AR-15s in the 1960s. We didn’t have those mass school shootings.
Samantha Bee: Okay, then. Let’s go back to the 1960s when AR-15s were only available to the military. Amen!
“When we throw more cops into schools as an easy way out of that difficult and necessary conversation [on gun control], we not only fail to keep our kids safe from gun violence, we condemn them to a system that criminalizes the very essence of childhood. Kids deserve to be annoying without being arrested, to be sad and angry without being body slammed. They deserve to have tantrums, throw carrots, do science experiments, talk shit, and carve their names into stuff without risking being thrown in the back of a police car.”
—John Oliver, on the epidemic of terrorism against elementary school students by police overstepping their sole job duty—to stop bad guys with guns
“A man recently threw cake on the protective glass of Leonardo DaVinci’s Mona Lisa painting at the Louvre in Paris. He also threw some on a Picasso, but no one noticed.”
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 10, 2022
Note: Chef Billy’s secret for the perfect 1-minute omelet: Cook an omelet in one minute and eat it. Try it this weekend. I think it’ll become a cherished family favorite.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the next full “strawberry supermoon”: 4
Percent of Americans polled by Quinnipiac who support raising the legal age to buy a gun to 21: 74%
Percent who don’t expect Congress to do anything about stopping the regular gun massacres of children and adults: 54%
Number of Russian stocks/bonds Americans are now allowed to invest in, per the Treasury Dept.: 0
Age of Jim Seals of Seals & Crofts when he died this week: 80
Number milliseconds in a jiffy: 10
Puppy Pic of the Day: In good hands paws…
CHEERS to a jolly good show. I watched the January 6, 2021 insurrection, during which Donald Trump, his inner circle, and terrorist groups like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers tried to overthrow the United States government, in real time on my TV. And I’ve followed all of the developments since then. So I had no interest in reliving it all over again last night. Besides, the committee explained what they were going to do hours before they did it, making it possible for me to watch my Star Trek rerun (don’t judge me—it was the Khan episode) and do my New York Times crossword:
[T]he prime-time event will be packed with new video, audio and other information proving that former President Donald Trump was at the heart of the attack.
“We will be revealing new details showing that the violence on Jan. 6 was the result of a coordinated, multistep effort to overturn the results of the 2020 election and to stop the transfer of power from Donald Trump to Joe Biden,” a committee aide said in a call previewing the hearing with reporters on Wednesday afternoon, “and indeed that the former president Donald Trump was at the center of that effort.”
“It’ll change history,” said Illinois Rep. Adam Kinzinger, one of the two Republicans who serve on the panel.
Now all we have to do is sit back and wait for that whole history changing part. I just hope it involves traitors changing into prison duds.
JEERS to my last will and testament. Since Wednesday’s Supreme Court ruling officially turning the United States of America into a Gestapo hellscape that makes it inevitable that I’ll be abducted and murdered by ICE, I should probably make this public as soon as possible:
I leave everything to my squirrels.
I hope they use the $54.97 in my secret offshore tax haven wisely.
JEERS to lies and the lying liars who tell them. Do you remember this bit of nonsense as well as I do?
Shortly after George W. Bush’s installation as president by the Supreme Court in 2001, White House staffers accused Bill Clinton’s people of tearing the White House apart before they left—even going so far as to remove the “W” keys from all the computers. Remember that? That was our first concrete clue that conservatives without conscience (to use John Dean’s famous phrase) were running the show. Well, it was 20 years ago this week that Congressional investigators released a report on the “scandal.” Their conclusion basically said, “Don’t you have anything better to do than waste our time?” Tragically, they did: hire incompetent cronies, invade Iraq, ram No Child Left Behind through, give no-bid contracts to Halliburton and free passes to polluters, run up record deficits, let New Orleans drown, authorize torture…and so on and so forth.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to a good start. On June 11, 1776, the Continental Congress formed a committee in Philadelphia to draft a Declaration of Independence. Here are three of those members—Adams, Franklin and Jefferson—hashing out the particulars in one of my favorite scenes from the HBO miniseries John Adams:
The Declaration itself was nice, but what really floors me is: a committee actually did something useful.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Look, you should be old enough by now to figure out what’s on your various screens this weekend. But, dang it, you’re just so adorable I’ll do for you again. Nothing of note tonight, but the MSNBC hosts will be worth a look as they digest last night’s hearings.
The new movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (The 456th Jurassic Park sequel tops the list this weekend.) The MLB schedule is here, the NHL Stanley Cup schedule is here (New York vs. Tampa Bay), the WNBA schedule is here, and the NBA finals schedule is here (Boston leads 2 games to 1). Or you can catch the 154th Belmont Stakes tomorrow. Two hours of coverage for the three-minute race starts at 5 on NBC.
Sunday night at 8ET (CBS) the Tony Awards will be handed out for excellence in over-emoting while reading memorized lines aloud—or as politicians call it, a day ending in y. (Full nominees liost is here.) And the weekend wraps up with another Tally-ho’rrific edition of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight on HBO.
Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA
This Week: Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); Gov. Ned Lamont (D-CT); Mark Oliva of the National Shooting Sports Foundation.
Face the Nation: Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) of the Jan. 6 committee; Dr. Jillian Peterson & Dr. James Densley of The Violence Project; Chief Economic Advisor at Allianz Mohamed El-Erian.
CNN’s State of the Union: Gabby Giffords; Rep. Stacey Plaskett (D-Virgin Islands).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Gov. Asa Hutchinson (The Cult-AR); Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE).
Fifteen years ago in C&J: June 10, 2007
CHEERS to indecent proposals. Russian Tsar Vladimir Putin—helpful as always—yesterday proposed a different location for President George W. Bush’s missile defense shield. He wasn’t specific other than to say it’s bulbous, dimpled, hairy, split down the middle, erupts every now and then, and makes Laura feel queasy when she’s in the vicinity. Hmm…
And just one more…
CHEERS to a Loving legacy. When Mildred Loving died 14 years ago at 68, she left behind a milestone that reached its dramatic height 55 years ago. On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled on a case called Loving v. Virginia, striking down state miscegenation laws (Virginia’s had been on the parchment since the mid-1600s). Since this is Pride Month, it’s worth revisiting the statement Loving issued on the 40th anniversary of the announcement of its ruling in her case. When she fought for equal marriage rights, she meant for everyone:
The older generation’s fears and prejudices have given way, and today’s young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.
Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the “wrong kind of person” for me to marry.
I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.
Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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