Liz Cheney on Ted Cruz’s pro-Trump mewling: ‘A real man would be defending his wife’

Liz Cheney on Ted Cruz’s pro-Trump mewling: ‘A real man would be defending his wife’

Standard disclaimer: Like most Republicans, Liz Cheney is simply awful. But also like most Republicans, she’s not nearly as awful as Ted Cruz, whose (mostly) tongue-in-cheek association with the Zodiac Killer gives me the barest whiff of sympathy for the now-brutally defamed Zodiac Killer.

More importantly, Cheney has stood up to the potentially republic-ending nonsense of Donald Trump, who simply can’t own up to his decisive loss in the 2020 presidential election. So, naturally, Cruz thinks Cheney’s fealty to our democracy and the simple truth is actually indicative of her “derangement.”

On Tuesday night’s edition of Sean Hannity Holds You Down and Farts in Your Mouth Till You Call Him Ragnar, sponsored by Gold Bond Medicated Powder, Cruz projected like an IMAX movie, claiming Cheney was actually the one whom Donald Trump “broke.”

“She hates Donald Trump so much that it just has overridden everything in her system,” said Cruz. “She’s lashing out at Trump and Republicans and everything, and she’s become a Democrat and it’s sad to watch what has happened. It is Trump derangement syndrome.”

I’d argue that Trump derangement syndrome is actually defined by the inability to see that Trump is deranged, but in this case, Cruz is implying that any criticism of his ocher overlord for—gee, I don’t know—literally trying to end American democracy is somehow out of bounds.

Of course, Cheney was having none of that. On Wednesday, she clapped back, telling CNN’s Melanie Zanona that the broken one was Cruz himself:

.@Liz_Cheney is hitting back at @tedcruz after he went on Fox News last night & accused her of “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” saying she was “broke” by Trump. “Trump broke Ted Cruz,” Cheney told me. “A real man would be defending his wife, and his father, and the Constitution.”

— Melanie Zanona (@MZanona) November 17, 2021

For the nontweeters:

@Liz_Cheney is hitting back at @tedcruz after he went on Fox News last night & accused her of “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” saying she was “broke” by Trump. “Trump broke Ted Cruz,” Cheney told me. “A real man would be defending his wife, and his father, and the Constitution.”

I’d like to give Cheney credit for this, but pointing out that Ted Cruz is 99.44% bullshit—and that defending our Constitution is more important than defending the guy who tried to shred it—is not exactly a heavy lift. Then again, it apparently is a Sisyphean task for Teddy Cruz and His Cancun Cravens—i.e., pretty much every congressional Republican not named Cheney or Kinzinger. 

So keep yappin’, Ted. Maybe one day your fondest wish will be fulfilled and you’ll become a real boy. Becoming a man? Nah. That’s permanently out of your reach at this point.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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