New book claims Donald Trump once tried to pay a $2 million legal fee with a horse

New book claims Donald Trump once tried to pay a $2 million legal fee with a horse

We can be reasonably certain that Donald Trump was selling highly classified nuclear secrets to our enemies—because they’re worth a lot of money and Trump has the morals of a ShopRite head cheese. Honestly, why else would he have these documents? Has he even attempted to offer an explanation that goes anywhere beyond “my preciousssssss!”?

In fact, the only other explanation that makes even a scintilla of sense is that he’s so effervescently weird this kind of behavior seems perfectly normal to him. I mean, we already know he eats and flushes documents (not necessarily in that order), so why should we be surprised that he squirrels them away like an extreme hoarder? The guy is basically one Kleenex-box slipper away from being Howard Hughes. About the only thing he could do to surprise me at this point is finish a complete sentence. 

So while his selling the documents to the Saudis or paying Putin back with the names of our Russian moles is the Occam’s razor interpretation, we can’t outright dismiss the more benign “he’s just that fucking weird” explanation. (Of course, even if we give this gormless git the benefit of the doubt, his ass still belongs in stir.) 

So how weird is this guy, really? Well, according to Servants of the Damned: Giant Law Firms, Donald Trump and the Corruption of Justice, a soon-to-be-published exposé by New York Times reporter David Enrich, Trump once tried to pay an outstanding $2 million legal bill with a horse. Enrich writes that a “lawyer at a white-shoe firm” who worked for Trump in the ‘90s showed up unannounced at his office one day after being repeatedly stiffed and demanded payment. What happened next was quintessential Trump.   

As excerpted in The Guardian:

“After a while, the lawyer lost patience, and he showed up, unannounced, at Trump Tower. Someone sent him up to Trump’s office. Trump was initially pleased to see him – he didn’t betray any sense of sheepishness – but the lawyer was steaming.

“‘I’m incredibly disappointed,’ he scolded Trump. ‘There’s no reason you haven’t paid us.’

“Trump made some apologetic noises. Then he said: ‘I’m not going to pay your bill. I’m going to give you something more valuable.’ What on earth is he talking about? the lawyer wondered. ‘I have a stallion,’ Trump continued. ‘It’s worth $5m.’ Trump rummaged around in a filing cabinet and pulled out what he said was a deed to a horse. He handed it to the lawyer.”

The lawyer then threatened to sue and, according to Enrich, Trump “eventually coughed up at least a portion of what he owed.”

Of course, Trump is famous for stiffing the “little people” who work for him, including his once-and-future lawyer Rudy Giuliani, who insists on being paid in cash, cash equivalents, or iron-fortified goat placentas. 

But this? Well, this is a horse of a different color, isn’t it? 

Aaaannnnnddd … I’ll see myself out …

Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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