Generalissimo Sean Hannity, the high commander for war strategy at Fox News, has an idea that will end the war! Erm, sorry—I meant “world.” Those two words sound so similar.
Anyone with any sense of history knows that the last thing President Joe Biden can do is send the U.S. military into Ukraine while Russia conducts its war of aggression. Nor can NATO—which includes three nuclear powers—get involved. Because if you start a war between nuclear powers, you never know where it will end—and not knowing whether a war will go nuclear is an uncomfortable place to be on a Friday night when you’re just trying to take a bath and relax to the soothing strains of whale songs and Russian presidents accidentally falling out of windows.
But Hannity is sure he knows better because he knows everything … about the alternate universe in his head, that is.
Here’s Hannity on the March 2 edition of his radio show announcing a new Western war strategy, seemingly predicated on the mischievous “Not Me” ghost from The Family Circus.
SEAN HANNITY: As of this morning, this 40-mile convoy of Russian troops and Russian tanks and munitions and fuel, they’re only 18 miles outside of Kyiv. And let me tell you, when I look at that, I’m thinking uh oh, this is about to become—it’s about to go to the next level. And I pray to God Almighty I’m wrong. And the next level would be a massacre, and the next level would be the toppling of the government of Kyiv. The next level will mean thousands upon thousands and likely tens of thousands of people dead, and that might be on the low side. That’s what I fear the most now.
Now you would think that maybe these European countries would get together and they’d be arming the Ukrainians that show that they’re willing to fight.
You know, if we can see on satellite imagery where the convoy is, I don’t know, maybe some smart country, maybe NATO, might take some of their fighter jets, or maybe they can use some drone strikes and take out the whole damn convoy. And then nobody takes credit for it, so then Putin won’t know who to hit back. [Emphasis added]
“Well, he’s threatening nuclear weapons, Hannity, you’re talking about nuclear war”—I’m not talking about nuclear war, nor would I support one American boot on the ground here. But at what point is this gonna end?
If nobody takes credit for it, I can’t imagine Putin would have any issue. Just like when that burglar broke into my house and stole my big-screen TV, Hello Kitty neti pot, pouch of magic beans, and year’s supply of Funyuns. I didn’t even bother to call the police because no one took credit for it. What can you do?
Of course, being that he exists in an information silo chock-full of off-brand manure and molted Donald Trump detritus, Hannity has a fairly limited worldview. For one thing, it’s become pretty clear that the vaunted Russian convoy he spoke of isn’t actually going anywhere. Because the guy Hannity’s BFF called “savvy” and a “genius” is apparently anything but.
Check out the following Twitter thread from a former U.S. soldier who has expertise in, of all things, tires. (If you don’t do Twitter, click here to read it via Threadreader.)
And so Trump’s genius friend’s glorious campaign to reunite the great peoples of Russia and Ukraine has been waylaid by subpar tire maintenance (and the great Ukrainian Mud Season). So savvy!
Here’s an even blunter assessment from Malcolm Nance, a former Navy officer, intelligence expert, and the author of several books, including The Plot to Betray America: How Team Trump Embraced Our Enemies, Compromised Our Security, and How We Can Fix It.
For the nontweeterers:
AS PREDICTED: My assessments are usually 72-120 hours ahead of the news media curve. I called this days ago & said they were being ambushed & cannot move forward except at a crawl. That convoy will be “Last of the Mohicans”-level massacred. Drones & raiding groups are doing it.
Of course, if Hannity really wanted to help Ukraine and its courageous President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, he would have spoken up when Trump tried to blackmail him into contriving a fake Biden scandal—one that might have left Trump in office and kept Putin’s anti-West, anti-democratic agenda on course. Because, and I can’t repeat this often enough, Trump planned to pull the U.S. out of NATO in his second term. That move would have gutted the military alliance and opened the door to even more aggression, leaving Europe more or less permanently vulnerable to autocracy.
But since that paragraph is too big to fit in Hannity’s head, he wants to bomb the shit out of the army we’ve suddenly decided is actually a threat to the global order. It’s an easy solution, to him, and, more importantly, easy for Hannity’s troglodytic tribe to understand.
Thank the gods of both war and vegan cheese that Trump is no longer president, because Fox News’ pundits were essentially his not-so-shadowy cabinet for four years; if he’d somehow managed to hear this Hannity rant over the cacophonous echoes of his Adderall snorting, he may have started scrambling jets immediately. And World War III wouldn’t have been far behind.
Then again, Hannity may be trying to start a nuclear war now, just because it would be a great thing to pin on Joe Biden.
And can you imagine the ratings, man? For Hannity, it would be totally worth it.
While you’re here, please donate to this Daily Kos-backed Ukrainian relief effort, if you’re able.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Powered by WPeMatico