To this day, it remains utterly gobsmacking that Donald Trump got even one vote for president of the United States, much less tens of millions. He had no relevant experience in politics or, from the looks of it, business. And as humans go, he was a pretty below-average tapeworm.
And yet, somehow, the wheel of cosmically unlikely events slid right past “Zombie Gandhi gnaws your nips off” and landed squarely on “Donald Trump is president.” It was like creating a profile on Tinder with a photo of Martin Shkreli’s taint and the headline “Trust Me, You WILL Get Gonorrhea,” and suddenly getting hundreds of fervent marriage proposals.
But one guy always believed in our first Claymation president’s potential—so much so that he bet big on it (twice) before Joe Biden ultimately transformed both puppet and puppeteer into colossal losers. And that wacky fool is none other than Vladimir Putin.
Putin and his cronies got all they bargained for from Trump—and more. But with the Russian army currently doing a spot-on impression of a drunk Disney World Goofy with a bumblebee loose in his costume, Putin’s filthy mouthpieces are pining for the good old days.
In a new dispatch from the phantasmagorical world of Russian state TV, Russia media monitor Julia Davis observes that Putin’s peeps have rarely been so frothy in their fervor for the former guy.
Gee, it’s almost as if one of our staunchest geopolitical foes wants the biggest fuckup on the planet to lead our country again for some reason. The Daily Beast:
Andrey Sidorov, deputy dean of world politics at Moscow State University, explained why he considered Trump’s presidency to have been particularly useful to Russia: “From my point of view, Trump was engaged in a very positive endeavor: He was destroying the leadership of the United States in the world. [emphasis added] He questioned the very structure of global relationships built by his predecessors, along with their partners and allies. … He wanted to turn those into commercial relationships and Europe didn’t like it at all.”
Gee, I sure hope someone at the Democratic National Committee is archiving these shockingly frank admissions—because that one’s a doozy. Want a world where the U.S. withdraws from its security obligations in Europe and elsewhere, leaving a yawning vacuum for venal autocrats to fill? Then Trump’s your guy, goddammit!
Sidorov opined that “a total internal breakdown,” in the United States was needed to overcome an otherwise incredibly strong system of government. [Russian state TV host Vladimir] Solovyov expressed hope that Trump was exactly the kind of person who could deliver such a shock to the nation: “When a person rolls in like an elephant in a china shop—like Trump—he tears down and aggravates the situation… He consolidates the opponents and supporters, prompting a confrontation.”
Military expert Alexander Artamonov concluded: “The worse, the better. It’s beneficial for us… We’ll put an end to the existence of the old world and start a new era, a new phase—headed by Russia, in my opinion.” Concurring, Solovyov recited a partial verse from Alexander Blok’s poem, “The Twelve,” ominously predicting: “We’ll set the world on fire.”
Want more chaos, war, global tumult, and an ascendant autocracy on the doorstep of the free world? Then Donald Trump’s your guy!
As Solovyov giddily noted at one point during the discussion: “[Trump] said, ‘I don’t need NATO, I won’t rush to your defense if you don’t pay enough.’”
So there you have it. More evidence that Putin is waiting for weaker (i.e., Republican) leaders to retake the levers of government. If that happens, he might actually win the bet he placed back in February, when he likely figured it was only a matter of time before the West tired of the downsides of sanctions and welcomed these brutal butchers back into the global community with open arms.
Oh, and in case you needed more convincing, consider this quote from Solovyov about Trump and Sen. Ted Cruz: “Simply put, those are our guys.”
Yeah, Russian media lies a lot, but sometimes the truth slips out. The question is, what will American voters do about it?
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Powered by WPeMatico