So I might be joining Trump’s advisory board. Seriously

So I might be joining Trump’s advisory board. Seriously

Guys, I’m sorry. But this is just too good a gig to pass up. Trump’s closest confidants recommended me and it’s really an honor. I know I’m an unabashed liberal, but they wouldn’t have asked me if they didn’t need me.

If you don’t believe me, just see below.

I know, I was shocked they knew me as well:

I just don’t know. I’m really torn. On one hand I hate the SOB. On the other, they immediately thought of me because of my years of defending “his legacy.” I don’t recall ever doing that, nor am I quite sure how they “reviewed my file,” but still.    

After all, I’m just a guy who got on his mailing list because several of us locals registered for tickets when he came to town so he’d be faced with an empty arena. I can only imagine someone calling out to see if “Dick” Everhard showed up. So if that counts as “standing up for truth,” then so be it.

Besides, I’ve already passed up so many other opportunities, like the one that came into my inbox 30 minutes prior:

Thirty minutes ago, I was a reliable supporter. Now I’m a loyal supporter. They had a spot saved for me for the Trump Gold Club, but I just pissed that away. C’mon, am I really going to miss being seated on his advisory board? You tell me what I should do.

It goes without saying, but all of these “honors” require a payment, along with a checkbox that is conveniently already marked to make my payment recurring. 

Going through my emails, I realize I also missed out on his Patriot Club, his 45 Club, his 2022 Trump Life Membership, Trump Life Member, Trump Sustaining Membership, and worst of all, his personal Trump Hall of Fame. That one had some different words, because it was for “Top Trump Patriots ONLY, like you!” (My neighbor is going to be so damn jealous!) That request even had Don Jr. asking personally why my name wasn’t on it. Dammit. I guess I was just too busy. 

Other emails weren’t as nice. Many of them said things like, “We have already reached out to you OVER 30 TIMES to take the pledge and have received NO RESPONSE!” (Side note: If you reach out over 30 times and the other person ignores you, take the hint.)  

Other emails were exasperating, suggesting that maybe I just want the left to win. Fine. Whatever.

On second thought, I decided not to join. Don Jr. is going to be so pissed. I hope this doesn’t stop them from thinking about me the next time an opportunity comes up and letting me know …

Oh great:

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