On Monday night, Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis added a Racketeer Influenced and Corruption Organizations indictment and 13 fresh felonies to Donald Trump’s towering list of crimes. Those new indictments came just three days after Federal District Judge Tanya Chutkan warned Trump to “take special care in your public statements” following his latest round of indictments in Washington, D.C.

Trump is now preparing to get himself out of this massive hole, not by being quiet and working with his attorneys but by breaking out a shiny new shovel. On Monday, Trump says he will reveal a new report during a very special episode delivered live from his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. That report, according to Trump, contains “irrefutable” evidence of election fraud in Georgia. And then Willis will have to fold her case and go home because it will be obvious that Trump actually won the 2020 election. Also, we will all get a pet unicorn.

Other than getting Trump more air time and opening the phone lines to collect donations from his brainwashed masses, the intention of this event seems to be doubling down on the “it’s not a crime if you really believe it” theory, which unfortunately for Trump is not a thing.