Unholy Moses: Mike Johnson claims God chose him to lead America to a Republican promised land

Unholy Moses: Mike Johnson claims God chose him to lead America to a Republican promised land

House Speaker Mike Johnson, whose grand vision for America includes transforming every uterus in the country into a Pez dispenser, is convinced he’s the North American Moses who will lead his people to the Promised Land. What Promised Land does he mean? Who really knows? It could be Mexico, which many Republicans are now intent on invading—prompting bizarro headlines in serious journals like Foreign Policy, which in early November weirdly admonished, “America Shouldn’t Invade Mexico.”

But who really knows what’s going on in Johnson’s head late at night when he gets these flashes of insight? He thinks he’s talking to God, though it’s marginally more likely his wife installed Alexa without telling him. 

In a recent speech before the National Association of Christian Lawmakers, Johnson said God woke him up in the middle of the night to tell him it was His plan all along to publicly humiliate His faithful servants Kevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, and Steve Scalise so House Republicans would finally be exhausted enough to accept Mike Johnson as their leader.

He then very pointedly noted that he’s America’s next Moses, destined to lead the country through a glorious “Red Sea moment.”

RELATED STORY: Today in Congress: Johnson’s inexperience showing; Ukraine stalemate continues

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